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Lighten Up

Need a break from news and politics? 

You’ve come to the right place.

 

 

Neither Will I

There’s a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

“Why don’t you order a Guinness?” his colleagues ask.

“Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, then neither will I.”

 

I Know Times Are Tough, But…

A Good Deal

A Great Deal

A History of the Batman Logo

 

The GunfighterThis young man in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young man walked up to the old man and told him his dream.

The old man looked him up and down and said “I have a suggestion that is sure to help.” “Tell me, tell me,” said the young man. “Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg.” “Will that make me a better gunfighter?” said the young man. “Definitely,” the old man replied.

The young guy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player. “Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?” “Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother.” “Will that make me a better gunfighter?” “It sure will,” said the old man.

The young guy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cuff link off the sleeve piano player. “This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?” “One more thing,” said the old man. “Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun.”

The young fellow didn’t hesitate but started putting the grease on the gun. “No, the whole gun, handle and everything.” said the old man. “Will that make me a better gunfighter?” “No,” said the old man, “But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano he’s going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt as much.”

How about some Andy McKee?

 

 

Some useless trivia

  • It takes an average of 345 squirts to get a gallon of milk from a cow’s udder.
  • Americans use more than 16,000 tons of aspirin a year.
  • Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it.
  • Dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible.
  • The five favorite U.S. school lunches nationwide, according to the American School Food Service Association, are, in order, pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, burritos and hamburgers.
  • The District of Columbia has one lawyer for every 19 residents.
  • Two-thirds of the world’s eggplants are grown in New Jersey.
  • Twelve percent of U.S. teens had their first sexual intercourse in an automobile.
  • The shoestring was invented in England in 1790. Prior to this time all shoes were fastened with buckles.
  • Studies show women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be aroused by the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a bachelor’s degree.
  • If you are afraid you might die laughing, you are suffering from cherophobia.
  • Before 1859, baseball umpires sat behind home plate in rocking chairs.
  • The highest known score for a single word in competition Scrabble is 392. In 1982, Dr. Saladin Khoshnaw achieved this score for the word “caziques,” which means “Indian chief.”
  • “Sherbet” is Australian slang for beer.
  • Rome has more homeless cats per square mile than any other city in the world.
  • Half the peanuts grown in America are used for peanut butter.
  • An old custom in Holland was the basis of our modern piggy banks. At the beginning of the year, children were given pig-shaped earthenware containers (known as “feast pigs”) to save their pennies in. The following Christmas, they got to open them.
  • President Chester Arthur was the only president to ever hold a garage sale on the White House lawn.
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